You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
