Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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