I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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