All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
