hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
