I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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