So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
