Cold hands, warm shart.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
