Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
