I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
