Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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