just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
