Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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