oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
