She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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