I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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