Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize