apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
