i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
