It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
