My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
