Well douche your snatch and let's go!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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