Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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