Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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