I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
