Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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