I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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