Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
