Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
