Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
