Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
