dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
that's an acceptable place to lick
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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