Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
