I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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