Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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