if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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