Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
