My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So here I am, sexting at work.
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