I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
