Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
