Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
