In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
