Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
