take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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