Kareoke will never be a sober sport
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
