I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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