i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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