a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
