so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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