I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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