i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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