I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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