Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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