If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
