Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
