I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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